By now stockings are hanging over the fireplace with care and trees are decorated with festive lights and ornaments. What will fill the candy cane colored socks for our New York Sports teams on Christmas morning? Only Santa knows that, but an elf friend of mine gave me an idea of what they wished for…

New Jersey Nets:

A chance to play in the NCAA Basketball tournament. Winning for pride only lasts so long. NIT berth would also be graciously accepted.  If granted, this request should accompany a warning–be careful what you wish for New Jersey. A loss at the hands of South Alabama would be quite embarrassing.

Jay-Z buying the team followed by a move to Brooklyn. Who cares what their record is? Jay-Z owns the damn team. Record contracts could be given out to everyone if they made the playoffs. No Hallmark card says “Congratulations!” like a tone-deaf rapping basketball star spinning discs in Brooklyn.

New York Knicks:

A time machine. A possible choice on any team’s list, but specifically for the New York Knicks. The plan would be as follows: go back to 1993 and obtain a DNA sample of head coach Pat Riley; then to the future and clone Pat; then back to present day and hire a “new” head coach being the cloned Riley. Problem solved. Plus the flux capacitor runs on garbage. Environmentalists would love that.

Jay-Z buying the team. Someone was peaking at the Nets wish list weren’t they?

New York Giants:

A scandal involving Tony Romo. Nothing is more distracting than a good old-fashioned scandal. Just ask Tiger Woods. If the Giants were extra nice this year it might involve someone who “swore” she was 18. Or an ex-president’s daughter.

Hit stick on EA Sports video games. Have you ever used the “hit stick” running with Brandon Jacobs in Madden? He plows through unsuspecting victims like Mad Max in Beyond Thunderdome. Brandon Jacobs with video game powers is just plain awesome.

New York Jets:

Infrared vision goggles for Mark Sanchez. Can’t see the double coverage, Mark? Put those on.

Forrest Gump. I don’t think that man has ever been tackled. Plus he is stupid fast. Even if he is a little stupid.
NFL 17.5″ Snowman Stockings